How do I know I need a Coach?

Most people need a coach, but few people realize it. Let’s look at the signs.

Reflecting on where you are is a good starting point

Introduction

The truth is that many people probably need a coach but don't realize it. It's not their fault - it's mostly the symptoms of a new profession not marketing itself well. Here are 20 things you might need a coach for and why. If any of these sound like you, begin searching for a coach. When you find a potential match, ask them these questions. 

Why might I need a coach?

1. I'm at a loss and don't know what to do

2. I'm too old to start again/move on/do something new

3. Everyone is giving me advice, and I need to talk to someone independent

4. I feel overwhelmed, and I have nobody to get support from

5. Should I leap into the unknown or stick with my safe job/partner

6. I have too many things happening and need help to prioritize

7. Something happened in my past, and I'm struggling to move forward in my life/career

8. I have so many ideas they just bog me down. How do I plan my life/work/career?

9. I don't like me and I need to reinvent myself

10. I'm struggling with time management and can't make time for myself

11. I'm lonely

12. I'm losing fitness/gaining weight and don't like myself right now

13. The children have left home, and I don't know what to do with my life

14. I don't know how to tell someone something very important

15. I stay awake worrying about X

16. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed

17. I'm in a rut and can't bear another ten years doing what I'm doing now

18. I feel like a failure 

19. I feel like a fraud and fear I'll be found out

20. I'm lost and have no idea how to set goals

I'm at a loss and don't know what to do

A common reason for needing coaching is reaching a point where either the number of variables to take into account or the number of options available to you becomes overwhelming. Whether at home or work, a good coach will help assess the problem you're trying to solve, reduce the number of variables and evaluate the value of your options. They won't tell you the right answer, but they will teach you how to get there and support you.

I'm too old to start again/move on/do something new

You probably aren't too old to move or start again, and a coach can help you understand why that is. They can help you understand your strengths and capabilities and support you to shape how you think about yourself to play to those strengths.

Everyone is giving me advice, and I need to talk to someone independent

On the one hand, it's great that so many people care, but on the other hand, conflicting advice leaves you in a difficult mental position. A coach will help you to sort facts from fiction and to come to your view on the inputs you've been given using tried and tested techniques. Your decision is yours, but having a process to get there makes it easier.

I feel overwhelmed, and I have nobody to get support from

Whilst a coach is not a friend, they do have your best interests at heart and have no skin in the game. Whatever you choose to do is fine, provided you think it through. A good coach will help you do that in a structured way. 

Should I leap into the unknown or stick with my safe job/partner?

There's no universally correct answer to this. Still, like so many other questions, once you think about the problem in a structured way, what you need to consider and the relative value of each possible direction. Having someone by your side that has no vested interest is invaluable. 

I have too many things happening and need help to prioritize

By now, you see the pattern. Good coaches understand problem-solving, take the emotion out of the process and help you come to the conclusion that's right for you and those around you. Whether in a work context or a home context, it's worth the investment. In my specialism, which is turning around failing projects, prioritization is often at the heart of the problem and solution.

Something happened in my past, and I'm struggling to move forward in my life/career

We all have skeletons we'd rather not think about, but coaching helps you to learn from the past and look forward to the future by changing how you approach a problem. In contrast, therapy or counselling works with your past self to reconcile what happened and to wipe the slate clean. At this point, coaching can take over. A good coach will recognize when you're ready to move on and suggest therapy or counselling if more appropriate. 

I have so many ideas they just bog me down. How do I plan my life/work/career/project?

I won't charge you for giving you the secret. It's prioritization. However, knowing that is sometimes insufficient is where a good coach can help you understand your ideas and how you might execute them, turning a melting pot of ideas into a doable action plan. The benefit of a coach is that you will have an impartial thought partner to prioritize with, which can be the difference between creating your agenda and settling for someone else's.

I don't like me and I need to reinvent myself

Why? A good coach will help you unpack what's behind the feeling and whether reinvention is necessary or desirable. You may find that jumping to a solution isn't the right thing to do, and you are fine as you are. Alternatively, if change is needed, a good coach will help you plan that change realistically. No Porsche is required.

I'm struggling with time management and can't make time for myself

This is a prioritization problem that a good coach can help you work through without making you feel selfish or uncaring.

I'm lonely

Loneliness can happen in a work or home context and can be crippling. Why you're lonely is the key to building a plan and you can talk to a good coach about this far more openly than to friends, family and colleagues. Like some other issues, the core problem may need resolution through therapy or counselling, but that's a bridge to cross when you get there. You can't get there without taking the first step.

I'm losing fitness/gaining weight and don't like myself right now

Although a common complaint, your story and the factors causing the issue are unique. A good coach will separate the issues with you and, often, refer you to the right people for the right bundles of problems. For example, I would not be the right person to discuss nutrition and would refer you to a specialist, but I may be the right person to help you construct the overall plan.

The children have left home, and I don't know what to do with my life

The good news is that you're not alone. The bad news is that there's no right or wrong answer. This problem is like all others, and the approach to problem-solving is similar. However, as an empty-nest coach myself, I bring empathy that other coaches might not.  

I don't know how to tell someone something very important

The important thing might relate to work (the project needs to stop) or home (I don't want to be with you any more, I have cancer and so on). Your choice of coach is important here because besides helping you think through what's stopping you from just saying it, it's important for your coach to have enough experience to help you rehearse and prepare for the likely responses. In certain niches, like mine, there are well-established ways to tell bad news, and a niche coach can help with that, too.

I stay awake worrying about X

X could mean anything, but if you're awake at 2 AM thinking about it, it must be dealt with. A good coach will work through the issue, help you understand some of the root causes, help you identify some options and then let you experiment with them, 

I'm exhausted and overwhelmed

Being exhausted and overwhelmed can sometimes result from staying awake, so a good coach will first help you discover what's at the root of the problem and fix that. My "superpower" as a coach is that I have coached project managers for decades, and the diagnose-sequence-plan-execute-review cycle is second nature to me. It's tested and proven. However, you may already know these things and just need a sympathetic ear, and that's OK, too. That's why it's so important to find the right coach.

I'm in a rut and can't bear another ten years doing what I'm doing now

A challenging problem is dread for the future. What specifically do you dread? How do you change your world to emphasize the good and minimize the bad? A good coach will help you identify these factors and understand what's within your control to change. When you do that, you may find that the future isn't as bad as you thought.

I feel like a failure 

There's every chance that you're the only one that does. What a good coach does in this situation is help you build experiments that disprove your negative thoughts and teach you that the way you think about yourself needs a spring clean.

I feel like a fraud and fear I'll be found out

I've been there, as have most of us. An entire industry called Learning & Development is dedicated to intentionally putting people in that position because that's how we learn effectively. What a good coach does is help you build scaffolds around yourself so that you can, bit by bit, develop your sense of competence in whatever area you feel is a fraud.  

I'm lost and have no idea how to set goals

Finding a good coach is a perfect start! A good coach will help you set your compass and create a map. Don't expect your whole life journey to be made in a single session, but you don't need that anyway. You need to decide your direction, map out the first few steps and start.

How might I know I've succeeded?

Measuring success is very subjective, but here are some of the most common outcomes that show you're succeeding:

• You're more comfortable in your new role at home or work

• You're managing the people around you better

• You’re managing yourself better

• You've developing a stronger network

• You're not overwhelmed

• You're enjoying life more

• You have a plan and are executing it

• You recognize the relative value of different elements of your work/life

• You're not lying awake worrying

• You take action and get things done

• You eat the frog and tackle difficult things

• You manage your time more effectively

• You have achievable goals that are sequenced and have plans 

• You are more confident about the future

• You have discussed your plans with the important people in your life

• You're excited about the future

Would you buy that? Of course, but it requires investment.

Your investment

Ask how much you're willing to invest in yourself, including time, focus and financially. A good coach isn't cheap (as a guide, you'll pay what you’d pay other professionals), but if you're willing to invest, it pays dividends.

Using my 1-2-3 approach, ask yourself if you're worth three sessions with a coach. Beware of coaches who try to set up five, ten or more sessions without diagnosing the issue. After many years, I know most problems can be solved in three bites when you break them down well. You may come back with a new problem later, but that's a new problem with a new investment in yourself.

Coaching context

Some coaches will focus on these questions from the context of home or family life, health or weight loss, career perspective, or even the perspective of running a business. Most coaches specialize, so ask your potential coach if they are a generalist or specialize in a niche.  

It's wise to consider both, as many problems, whilst having their root in one part of your life, might manifest elsewhere. The solution is likely to be holistic, so don't be put off by an initial lack of fit - if you and the coach build confidence in each other, that's the most critical element for success.

If you read more about the Identity Wheel, you'll see how connected your work, life, and family are. 

Summary

You probably need a coach, but you don't realize it. If you recognize yourself in the problems above, consider investing in yourself. Get in touch if you want to find out more.